Euan Mclean's Augusta Diary

Apr 13 2008

GOLF redneck Boo Weekley might be easily pleased - just give him a bucket of fried chicken and some beers and you'll not hear a word from him for hours.

But he's obviously not so easily impressed when it comes to the finer things in life, like Augusta National.

"It's just another golf course to me," he told reporters and replied to queries about how he coped with Amen Corner with a genuine "what's that?"

When explained to him that the most famous part of the most notorious golf course in the world covered holes 11, 12 and 13 he replied: "Well how is that a corner? They should just call it 11, 12 and 13."

It was another stunning display of the Florida man's blatant lack of interest in the game he plays so well.

Right up there with last year at Loch Lomond when he asked Paul Lawrie if he had qualified for The Open the next week, completely oblivious to the fact he'd won it eight years before.

And his strategy for the week? "Caveman golf. Hit it, find it, hit it again. You gotta strategize a little bit out there."

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PAUL AZINGER has learned his lesson after landing himself in hot water by calling Nick Faldo a p**** in an interview with an English newspaper.

His answer when a British accent asked him for a quick chat this week was "not in a f****** million years."

Try convincing us that was taken out of context, pal.

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LOST in translation No.1. Asking China's Wen Chong-Liang for an interview and he replies "yes, but I need some blaahdy help" as he summons his interpreter.

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LOST in translation No. 2. The frosty taxi ride after MailSport asked if the driver had ever picked up any players in his cab?

Turned out he thought I was asking if he ever picks up QUEERS. Note to self, tone down your accent for your own safety.

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AT the grand age of 78, it's been a while since Arnold Palmer smacked a drive out of sight.

But on Thursday? Just clearing the tee was enough to leave him wondering where the hell it had gone as thick fog got the US Masters off to a slow start.

The ceremonial first shot was the last until the sun appeared more than an hour after Palmer's 7.50am start.

In poor visibility greens staff whizzed around on mowers wondering why they had no fog lights.

Had one of them smacked into Eisenhower's tree on 17 or ditched their mower in Rae's Creek at Amen Corner don't expect sympathy from the players.

Greenkeepers are the guys who nip out on the morning of the tournament and bikini wax the greens to make the putts FASTER.

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TV station HBO will show footage of US Presidential candidate Barrack Obama playing basketball with troops at Fort Bragg in North Carolina.

As a former star of his high school hoops team, the word is Obama comes off better than his previous dabble with sport for the cameras - when he notched just 37 from seven frames at a 10-pin bowling alley.

In American terms this is about as cringe-worthy as that famous footage of Tony Blair trying to play keepy-uppy with Kevin Keegan during his first stint at Newcastle. Real buttock-clenching stuff.

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HE'S in fine shape for his 72 years but not even making a record-breaking 51st Masters appearance will convince your average golfer to follow Gary Player's formula for success.

Consider this: "To me the poisons of the world are the bacons, the ice cream, the white bread and dairy products.

I try to stay away from that. Fat makes you fat.

"I'm trying to live on vegetables, fruits, fish and salads."

Does that mean five pints after your round is still ok, Gary?