Training regime was like 'the nine circles of hell'

Nov 30 2008 John Hillcoat

IT took me a few years to come to terms with being known as one of football's lower-league nomads but evidence shows there is no other word to describe my wandering career.

After all, 21 years of being passed around SFL club to SFL club like a used copy of Mayfair more than justifies such a title.

But it doesn't bother me one bit because I can think of plenty of other much more controversial names that could follow me around.

However, I have to say I ripped the butt right out of my unique ability to float around from club to club last week.

Many will remember the old cartoon Mr Ben where the bowler-hatted guy walks into a fancy dress shop's changing room then strolls out the other side as a knight in shining armour or in some other exciting uniform.

I could sit and watch that show for hours. I remember being so excited I had to go to the loo beforehand as I eagerly anticipated what Mr Ben would turn into in that day's episode.

But never in my Nellie did I think I'd ever have the chance to re-enact the classic cartoon in real life.

That was until last week when my career took a dramatic double twist the bold Mr Ben would have been proud of.

I started off the week a Warrior as I continued my training regime with old club Stenhousemuir.

Gaffer John Coughlin decided circuit training was the key on Tuesday night in a bid to keep his soldiers fighting fit after their derby draw with East Stirling last Saturday.

The session was marshaled by physio Alain Davidson and it was like the nine circles of hell for me.

The last time I did any kind of circuit training was about six months ago when me and my mucker Danny McGill decided to visit every boozer from one end of Paisley's Causeyside Street to the other - a circuit no man had completed before.

But this circuit was even more formidable.

Increase and decrease runs, sharp feet exercises and ply metrics (that's just a fancy name for jumping over hurdles until your hamstrings pop) was the name of the game as we toiled for an hour and a half on different fitness regimes.

I felt a million liras afterwards as big John Ovenstone and Co hobbled out of the stadium following a good night's work.

But Wednesday morning brought a stiffness of a different kind as I lay in my kip fearing someone had broken in during the night and stolen the bones from my legs. I was like the Tin Man trying to release myself from the duvet as the work-out from the night before took its toll.

But then Mr Ben struck again with a call from Alloa gaffer Allan Maitland asking if I'd be keen on joining his staff as goalkeeping coach.

It took me all of 30 seconds to consider the offer because Allan and his assistant James Ward have always impressed me with their professionalism and pro-active attitude every time I faced them from the opposition dugout.

So I was delighted to join the guys on Thursday night at Recreation Park to put Alloa's two keepers, Raymond Jellema and young Michael White, through their paces.

I was buzzing as the dressing-room of transition saw me walk in a Warrior and depart a Wasp in a matter of hours - some going, eh?

But there was another surprise in store for the lower leagues' answer to The Littlest Hobo when a call on Friday morning from one of my old mates really blew me out the water.

St Johnstone gaffer Derek McInnes had hit a goalkeeping crisis after his on loan back-up stopper had to return to his club Rangers. That left Del boy in bit of a mess when it came to finding a deputy for his top man Allan Main.

He racked his brains to find a No.2 at such short notice to sit on the bench for yesterday's Tayside derby against Dundee and came up with yours truly.

My new gaffer Allan didn't have a problem with an arrangement that will see me turn up for Saints games on a Saturday until the transfer window opens in January.

I never thought in a million years I would even SEE another First Division match never mind be involved in one.

St Johnstone have shown they will be up there come May chapping at the door of the SPL and I couldn't believe the quality of their squad after meeting up with then at Dens Park yesterday.

It was also tremendous to see the respect the lads have for their gaffer and assistant Tony Docherty and it's brilliant to be involved with the club.

So there you have it.

Aweek in the life of Scottish football's Mr Ben that saw me enter the dressing-room of change on Tuesday evening a Warrior and leave on Friday afternoon a Saint along with a ringing endorsement from Maitland and his beloved Wasps in between.

And while Mr Ben had many cracking adventures in his day I bet he'd be hard pushed to beat the dramatic twists and turns of my career over the past few days.