'Writing Was On The Wall For Me'

Nov 16 2008 John Hillcoat

PICTURE the scene. You're in a lift at the bottom of a high-rise building and just as the doors are about to close a smelly wee guy walks in.

He presses the same button as you and a two-minute journey to the top now becomes a camel ride.

Your new companion then proceeds to let one rip and you can just tell it's going to be unbearable.

That leaves you with a big decision to make. Do you escape at the next floor - even though it leaves you with a mountain of stairs to climb?

Or do you hold your breath and hope for the best while running the risk of someone entering the lift and branding you the phantom farter?

It's a nightmare scenario and one most people thankfully never have to endure.

But I was sadly faced with a similar situation last week when my relationship with East Stirling became almost unbearable for both parties.

Things started to hit the skids in September after the club and supporters took umbrage at comments I made about an incident that ALLEGEDLY took place in the dressing-room.

By all accounts the lower league forums on the internet were awash with mixed reviews about the situation. Some folk claimed I should never play for the club again as brushing the alleged act under the carpet seemed to be the best policy.

Others took the same view as me and thought going public about the incident would act as a deterrent.

The club felt I had overstepped the mark and sent out a letter inviting me to a disciplinary meeting that "may result in your dismissal from the company".

They were strongwords and I knew I had to seek legal advice from that point.

I quickly became disillusioned and angry because I felt I was the one being punished for speaking out - instead of the club trying to weed out the alleged culprit. Nothing like shooting the messenger, eh?

After speaking with some close friends I called PFA Scotland to seek expert advice.

I have paid my dues for over 20 years and never needed the union's help before.

So I didn't know what to expect - but the support I received from Fraser Wishart and his crew was five-star.

The former Rangers and Motherwell defender was there every step of the way and helped me so much.

He was professional throughout our meeting and made sure I knew the right way to defend myself.

We concluded I should write a letter of apology, stating that in no way did I mean to bring the club into disrepute or embarrass the name of East Stirling Football Club. I did not have a problem with writing those words as that was never my intention.

I was also happy to admit I should have gone through the appropriate channels with my concerns. And I wrote about my high regard for the club and manager Jim McInally in particular.

The apology was accepted by East Stirling and I was issued with a final written warning.

But the writing was on the wall well before then.

One or two of the older players had spoken out and claimed my presence within the club was causing unrest.

But let's get one thing straight here.

I have been in plenty of dressing-rooms throughout the years and played alongside hundreds of players.

And the only unrest I have ever caused at my place of work is leaving an unflushed log in the toilet.

I have also worked under some of the most respected managers in the Scottish game and every one of them will have mixed opinions about me as a goalkeeper. But one thing I can guarantee is that none of them would brand me a dressing-room terrorist. They know I would never be a negative influence within the camp.

So the guys who took a pop at me should sit down and reflect on the impact THEY have had on dressing-rooms over the years before they judge me.

Having to drag myself to training after those accusations was a living hell.

It even got to the point where I hoped some eejit would smash into the back of my car on the Kingston Bridge and give me an excuse not to turn up at the ground.

But that didn't happen and I felt obliged to get changed in the away dressing-room alongside some of the younger players and trialists.

The situation was getting unbearable and I talked with the gaffer last week about setting up a meeting with our chairman Les Thomson.

We negotiated a pay-off deal but being released now leaves me running through a battlefield without a rifle due to the transfer window being closed until January.

However, I'm prepared to take my chances until then and I can honestly say there are no hard feelings towards the chairman and manager.

The only grudge I have is with the smelly dude who dropped one in the lift and left me with a mountain to climb at this stage of my career.