'How Will Artur Top This Stunt?'

May 4 2008 John Hillcoat

I WENT to primary school with a daft wee guy who would do anything for attention. And I mean anything.

I remember David Harvey producing an onion in class one day and munching it like it was an apple.

Pencils up his nose until his nostrils streamed blood, head shaved to the wood - you name it Davie would do anything to grab the limelight.

The shock value of his attention seeking was jaw dropping and we'd all wait with bated breath each time there was an important visitor or a formal school assembly.

But it wasn't until later in life you realised you were actually laughing at him, not with him.

I had never met anyone since Davie with such a brass neck or need for attention.

Until last Sunday.

The Old Firm showdown was totally gripping and looked great on TV with the sun shining and both teams going at it hammer and tongs.

But Celtic keeper Artur Boruc spoiled it with his stupid attention-seeking antics after the final whistle.

He has rightly been panned for showing off his "God Bless the Pope" T-shirt and antagonising the Rangers fans.

Boruc's childish behaviour was designed to steal the limelight - a bit like wee Davie's antics back at school.

It's a shame he couldn't let it rest after doing his bit to help Hoops to a crucial 3-2 win.

I wonder if Boruc's nose is out of joint because of all the press opposite number Allan McGregor has been getting recently.

And Ibrox stand-in keeper Neil Alexander has deserved all the praise that has been heaped on him following his heroics in Italy on Thursday.

Alexander stood up strong in the semi-final penalty shootout with Fiorentina and brilliantly got a hand to the spot-kick effort by Fabio Liverani to turn the tide in Gers' favour.

I've nothing but respect for the former Ipswich keeper who sat patiently on the sidelines as McGregor took the plaudits for his performances.

Neil grabbed his chance after an injury to Big Al last month against Celtic and got on with the job without fuss.

Taking a starring role in a European semi is reward in itself for Neil - and he could yet run out in the UEFA Cup Final in Manchester if Mac doesn't make it back in time.

But the word from the Ibrox camp is that Allan might well be fit, relegating Alexander to the sidelines again.

If that happens I'm sure Neil will show a level of dignity that would seem lost on Boruc.

The Pole's bizarre behaviour at Parkhead leaves me wondering where this guy would draw the line. Clearly Artur loves a bit of controversy so just how is he planning to top this latest stunt?

There has been a clear sign of escalation from simply crossing himself to parading a Champions flag in front of the Ibrox punters last season.

Maybe Boruc can take some inspiration from Brazil superstar Ronaldo's latest headline grabbing, er, cock up.

The AC Milan legend fancied a bit of fun but discovered his three beautiful new "lady" friends came better equipped than he expected.

On second thoughts I don't think even Boruc could get any bright ideas from that scenario.

Meanwhile, I decided to "jump the dyke" last week as I said my goodbyes to my Stenhousemuir mates to join their neighbours East Stirling.

The lure of being No.1 again and a coaching remit into the bargain was simply too good to turn down.

My new gaffer Jim McInally plans to build on the progress he has already made in his few short months at the club.

Last Saturday's 3-1 win over Montrose meant Shire moved clear of the bottom slot in the Third Division.

That has allowed them to shake off the "worst team in Britain" tag for the first time in six years. Jim and his assistant Martin Clark have impressed me since their days at Morton.

I'm sure when the Shire players come back on June 14 for pre-season training they will bring a new enthusiasm around the place. And we also have a new ground to look forward to after saying farewell to Firs Park.

My old Stenny mates gave me a great send off on our travels up north to Elgin last week after I committed the ultimate schoolboy error.

During a long chat at the front of the bus with keeper coach Alec Connon it dawned on me that I had left my mobile phone unguarded at the back of the bus.

By the time I got back Craig McEwan, Alan Gilbride and Willie Lyle looked as if they had just robbed a bank as my mobi flashed to the responses they had obviously sent out.

I was too embarrassed to pick up the phone at the time so will take the opportunity to make my apologies now.

To big Jim Leishman, Ian Westwater, Ally Graham, my missus Audrey, Kerzo and whoever else I have missed out I would like to say sorry for the picture message of a man's private parts that was sent to your phone last Saturday.

If the picture seemed fairly impressive then it was all my own doing.

But if it resembled the last chicken on the shelf at your friendly neighbourhood store then the culprit was Willie Lyle.

Thanks for the laugh lads.