MY OLD FRENCH TEACHER AT LINWOOD HIGH SCHOOL

Sep 16 2007 John Hillcoat

INSPECTOR CLOUSEAU, Pepe Le Pew, Sacha Distel, Vanessa Paradis, Miss Leighton (my old French teacher at Linwood High School) and Ludovic Roy - your boys took a hell of a beating!

I always like to give my big French mate Ludo a plug but I'm sure the Dundee keeper would have preferred it to be under different circumstances this time.

Scotland's shock win over his countrymen on Wednesday night was daylight Ribery - I mean robbery. But it was one of our best results in recent history as nobody gave Alex McLeish and the boys a chance of beating the French in Paris.

The streets of Renfrewshire were deserted on Wednesday before the game. It was like New Year's Day.

The only folk you could see were punters scurrying off to the boozer or heading round to a pal's house with a carry-out.

And they had plenty to celebrate at the end of one of the longest 90 minutes of their lives.

What a week it has been for Scotland - but they've put the fans through so much stress.

I've bittenmy nails so much there's now yellow pus trickling out of my fingerss.

It all started last Saturday when I received a call offering me two tickets for the Hampden clash with the Lithuanians.

I didn't need to think twice and snapped up the chance to see our boys in action.

But it would have been a different story a few years ago after I grew fed-up with the sorry state of the team.

The Berti Vogts years sapped my passion for going to Scotland games but it's back with a vengeance now thanks to Walter Smith and Big Eck.

It was great to return to Hampden because I hadn't been there for a Scotland game for seven years. My last outing was the 2-0 defeat by England in a play-off for Euro 2000 so I hoped for better luck when I handed over £35 for the tickets.

I bullied my missus Audrey to bin our planned shopping day in Glasgow and convinced her using my two golden tickets would be a million times better than stoating around the city centre.

And it wasn't long until Audrey agreed with me.

We started our journey from Central Station in the hope we could get to Mount Florida without any major hassle.

But it was like the battle of Bannockburn all over again as we fought our way through thousands of kilted soldiers who had the same destination in mind.

I thought about kids' TV classic Wacky Races as Scotland's answer to the Ant Hill Mob squeezed into every nook and cranny available on the train.

And we were almost derailed due to the amount of bare-bummed warriors hanging out the windows.

But the train somehow made it to Mount Florida and we breathed in the atmosphere on the short walk to the national stadium. It was great to see so many punters heading to the game in an optimistic mood.

During the Berti era it was like condemned men walking off to the gallows before matches.

The atmosphere was even better inside Hampden and the Tartan Army were in great voice as the clock ticked down to kick-off. When I'm watching a massive game I usually home in on the goalies to see how they cope with the pressure of such a big occasion.

I kept a close eye on Craig Gordon against Lithuania and can now understand why he's Britain's most expensive keeper.

The former Hearts star has an outstanding temperament.

He was so at ease during the game and looked like a kid playing down the park with his pals.

I could picture Craig sporting shorts over his trackie trousers, offering a 10p mixture from the ice cream van to the first guy who could score past him. Those were the days, eh?

But there was nothing Craig could do to stop Lithuania's leveller after Captain Nemo took a blatant dive in the box.

That left our Euro 2008 hopes hanging in the balance and it was up to McLeish and his backroom staff to turn it round.

By the way, has anyone else noticed coach Roy Aitken has borrowed Mrs Doubtfire's fake body suit? There is supposed to an unwritten law that managers don't make substitutions at corners.

But big Eck made a mockery of that theory with an inspired switch.

He brought on Shaun Maloney for Lee McCulloch, leaving the Lithuanian defender who was marking the Rangers ace twiddling his fingers in the box. That meant Maloney was unmarked when he stepped on to the pitch.

And the wee man picked up a short corner to fire in a terrific cross big Stephen McManus bundled into the net.

Absolute genius from the ginger dude if you ask me.

The place went mad and it was only by the grace of God no one was hurt in the midst of the bedlam in the Hampden stands.

James McFadden's stunning third goal - how does the Cheeky Boy do it? - then eased all the tension as the fans turned their attention to Wednesday's clash in Paris.

Unfortunately there was no seat reserved for me in the Parc des Princes and I had to settle for a pew in front of the box.

But I still kicked every ball as Eck's troops turned in the battling performance of a lifetime.

Somehow Faddy conjured up an even better goal than his Hampden effort to stun France.

The timing could have been a little better though as it left us with more than half an hour to hang on.

Despite a few scares we made it and Gordon was different class between the sticks again.

That victory will live in the hearts of the nation forever.

Thanks for the memories guys, whatever happens.

'French asses were out French window'