'ALL-DAY SESSION WAS REAL LAUGH'

Sep 9 2007 John Hillcoat

THE break for international football couldn't have come at a better time for the lads at Stenhousemuir.

Our form has been dismal in recent weeks and the goals have been flying past me.

Ten strikes against in the last three home games makes for horrific reading but I swear to God it's the defenders' fault!

That's a lie as EVERYONE in our team is to blame for the alarming slump in form.

Even Albert Einstein couldn't come up with a theory on how a football team could go from heroes to zeros so quickly.

In the first few games of the season we looked as tight as a Paisley buddie on a night out but our defence has simply fallen apart recently.

Our latest humping from Montrose was arguably the worst I have experienced throughout my career.

Striker John Baird and Co. took great pleasure in wiping the lush Stenny plastic grass with our backsides as they

romped to a 4-0 win.

So the break for Scotland's Euro 2008 double-header with Lithuania and France is a welcome one for everyone at the club.

It gives our gaffer Campbell Money a week to steady the ship. Hopefully we will hit the ground running and get back to winning ways this week against my old club Dumbarton.

The recent slump hasn't affected the dressing-room atmosphere at Ochilview and the lads had a great time last week at striker John Dempster's pub.

Around 20 of us plonked our butts in front of the telly and ordered big Demps to keep the lager coming.

The all-day session was a great laugh and the banter flowed as much as the beer.

The lads were pleasantly surprised with the venue aswe feared JD's pub was going to be Rutherglen's answer to The Clansman - or even worse The Blue Oyster Bar.

Thankfully old fogies like Jack and Victor didn't pack the place out and there were no dodgy blokes in leather breeks.

Our drinking session kicked off around 1pm as the lads arrived in dribs and drabs to grab their pew.

Young Craig Menzies was a wee the bit worse for wear due to his exploits from the night before but soon downed a shandy and was ready to join in the fun.

The same thing couldn't be said for our stand-in captain Craig McEwan though.

Stenny's answer to Mongo from the movie Blazing Saddles tried the "good pro" nonsense and asked for a water.

His request was treated with the contempt it deserved and a pint of lager was swiftly poured into his feeder bag.

Craig was ordered to drink it without lifting his head as punishment for his act of treachery.

The lads who were travelling from the east made a great effort as EIGHT of them piled out of a taxi and strolled into the boozer as if they owned the gaff.

And we all burst into laughter as midfielder Paul Tyrell paraded in wearing a cream Lyle and Scott woolie.

That was complemented by a pair of grey chequered trousers and an old tartan bunnet even my old man wouldn't be seen dead in. Victor from Still Game had

finally arrived.

The twaddle we spoke throughout the day would have put even the characters from that legendary show to shame. The three televised football matches on show passed in the blink of an eye.

Steven Ferguson did his usual and stole my party piece as Saturday Night At The Movies was belted out better than the Drifters themselves.

But it was soon time for most of us to drift away to oblivion as the taxis turned up thick and fast.

A good day was had by all and if we can play football as well as we socialise then the SFL might as well hand over the Third Division title now.

Hopefully we'll have some success to celebrate when the final whistle blows against Dumbarton next weekend.

Meanwhile, I was happy to see one of my old Brechin pals move up in the world last week.

Most of the headlines on transfer deadline day went to Steven Naismith after he sealed a dream move to Rangers.

But Morton also splashed out on Brechin's Iain Russell and I'm delighted he's now playing in the First Division.

Iain was different class at Glebe Park last term and was deservedly named Second Division Player of the Year. I travelled with Beeny for the whole of the campaign and the amount of near crashes I had after falling asleep at the wheel was frightening.

Only joking wee man - your patter's not THAT bad.

He should do well at Morton and here's a wee bit of advice for the Cappielow lads.

Don't be alarmed on a night out when the pitch of Iain's voice gets higher and higher after every vodka and lemonade he drinks.

It eventually gets to the point where he could break windows but this is only due to the alcohol intake.

I can reassure you that Iain is definitely a male.

All the best to Beeny at his new club.