Football: 'Derby defeats are the worst'

Sep 2 2007 JOHN HILLCOAT

I WAS public enemy No.1 last weekend after East Stirling fired three past me to inflict Stenhousemuir's first defeat of the season.

Our goals-against column quadrupled overnight and at the end of the 3-0 defeat I felt like Reggie Perrin as he walks into the sea to end it all.

To make matters worse, my left ear is now the size of an over-grown cabbage due to the amount of venom that has been spouted through my mobile phone.

Every time I heard the ringtone, I knew it would be someone giving me pelters.

Loads of people held me personally responsible for busting their coupon after we got hosed on by the so-called worst team in Britain.

And some cheeky callers even demanded their lost "winnings" from me.

But losing to East Stirling ISN'T the disgrace it used to be. They deserved their title as Scottish football's whipping boys a few years ago.

Most players didn't want to go near a senior team that made no apologies for paying their stars a tenner a week.

The Shire got a lot of press attention because of that and became something of a joke.

But they have come on leaps and bounds in the past few years and no team will have an easy ride against them in this year's Third Division.

That fact was hammered home to me at six minutes past three last Saturday after I picked the ball out the net.

The small band of Shire fans took great pleasure in letting me know exactly how they felt about the scoreline AND my lack of hair follicles.

I had to face their taunts twice more as East Stirling heaped on the derby misery.

And the scary thing was we had absolutely no excuse at the final whistle.

Gordon Wylde's men well and truly humped us and moved up to second place after a third win from four games.

The defeat sent us back down to fifth and the players were scared to look at Campbell Money in the dressing room in case the gaffer used our heads for goal-kick practice.

And it was the same yesterday after a 4-0 home humping by Montrose heaped on the misery.

But losing to a local rival like East Stirling is one of the WORST feelings in football.

Everyone involved in the debacle reflects on their own performance - and that makes you feel even worse.

So the feelgood factor of being part of an unbeaten side disappeared like the pattern from Pete Doherty's cistern. But footballers are well known for being a resilient lot and the pain soon fades away.

By the time Saturday night comes around, that embarrassment is usually replaced by a warm glow the wee guy from the Ready Brek advert would be proud of.

However, most of the lads in our dressing room take pride in their performance and were bitterly disappointed by what happened last Saturday.

A result like that was unacceptable and we felt like making a public apology to the Stenny fans after the referee blew for full-time.

We wanted to pay them back with a win against Montrose yesterday but we let them down AGAIN as four goals flew past me.

I can't put a finger on what has gone wrong in the last two games. The commitment the lads have shown this season has been as plain to see as the nose on St Jonstone star Derek McInnes' face.

Where else in the WORLD would somebody work for two months and not receive a single penny from their employers?

That's what the Stenny lads have endured since returning for pre-season training on June 26. Don't get me wrong - there hasn't been a single complaint because that's just the nature of the beast when you become a part-time footballer. You don't play for the money at this level and when the club pays monthly it' s a long wait before you get a wage slip at the start of a new season.

So I felt like the kid from Charlie and the Chocolate Factory after he found the golden ticket when the gaffer handed over my hard-earned wages on Thursday night.

But fines also have to be paid and our skipper Steven Ferguson is like the Gestapo when it comes to taking in cash. The wee man took great pleasure in pocketing the dosh for sins on our Magaluf trip in May. But Steven hasn't been playing fair recently as one of the major fines is for mobile phones ringing on a Saturday afternoon.

And my suspicions were reinforced last week when my mobile went off in the middle of Campbell's team talk.

I apologised profusely as I scampered into my front pocket to turn the thing off.

But when I picked up the phone all I could see was Fergie's name flashing up.

I flew into a rage as I pictured him at the other end rubbing his hands and licking his lips, knowing that he had done me up like a kipper.

There WILL be repercussions. Don't worry about that.