'I'M NO LONGER A BENCH WARMER'

Aug 19 2007 John Hillcoat

THIS season has started strangely for me.

Gone are the days when I would come home from a game on a Saturday in a state of depression, crack open a bottle of vino and drown my sorrows.

Not because my team had been gubbed but I was in the dumps because I was sitting on my erchie between three and five o'clock on a Saturday afternoon.

Even a trip to KFC was not on because I used to fear I'd balloon up like the Nutty Professor due to my lack of top-team action.

But thankfully things have been different so far this term.

That's because starting the season as Stenhousemuir's No.1 has left yours truly finally contributing something to the game I love.

And due to our first two league wins I can now pop open a bottle of vino knowing I have earned it.

The kids are chuffed too because I can take them to KFC and feed my greasy face once in a while.

I can stuff myself, courtesy of the good Colonel, safe in the knowledge I can burn off the calorie intake at training and on a Saturday afternoon.

Knowing I'll get a game on a Saturday also means I'm bursting with nervous energy from a Thursday night onwards.

By the time the ref blows the final whistle on a Saturday I've got more energy than the wee duracell toy dug.

That kind of mentality may sound a bit obsessive to some people.

But they don't understand that's how most guys involved in first-team football behave.

It will be back to my 'real' job tomorrow and for once there will be a noticeable swagger about my walk to work.

I'm employed as a full-time PE teacher in Paisley and seven weeks of the school holidays have flown in faster than Road Runner on speed.

But the long days of lying around watching gash daytime TV programmes was starting to get on my wick.

And now I can't wait to get back to work and I'm actually looking forward to taking pelters from both staff and pupils about my follicly-challenged dome.

No doubt I'll also receive the usual old fat belly jibes from the lovely wee blighters too.

But for the first time in four years all that stuff will be water off a duck's backside and I can walk into my school with my shiny napper held high.

I'm now safe in the knowledge my fellow workers and pupils will have to dig deep into their wee bag of insults this year before they can find a way of upsetting me.

For the first time in a few years the main dig that's followed me around like a bad smell is well and truly buried.

Since my present boss Campbell Money signed me as back-up to Ludo Roy at Ayr United, shouts like "bench warmer" and "skelfy arse" have made me feel like King Loser from Loserville.

The brickbats that have haunted me at all my clubs for the past four years were made in total jest (I hope!) and were taken that way.

But the decision to become the most unused sub in world football was entirely down to me and I stand by my decisions.

I accepted the lack of first-team action I was offered at both Ayr and Brechin City and I knew what it meant.

In fact it was getting to the point where people thought my first name was 'Subs Unused'.

But the fact I was never going to be the regular keeper at those clubs was made perfectly clear by managers Money and Iain Campbell.

This was also the case more recently with Michael O'Neill.

It meant I was always going to be coaching the keepers and offering my services as an able back up.

And the lure of being involved at First Division level again (where both Brechin and Ayr were at the time) was enough for me to sign.

So I happily put my Second and Third Division playing career on hold and took my chances with the big boys.

I loved training all week, and coaching both Big Ludo and Craig Nelson was a real eye opener for all of us!

The boys were a pleasure to work with - although I doubt they would say the same thing about yours truly!

It even got to the stage I would put more effort into making sure these guys were prepared for a Saturday to the detriment of my own game.

And I have to admit the fact the pair of them could grow a barnet like Tina Turner used to p**s me off.

But the down side of playing second fiddle and knowing you'll only get a game through injury soon got to me.

I actually began to unconsciously accept it.

However, it's not until recently those submissive thoughts have disappeared like Lord Lucan at the end of a boozy night out.

All that negativity has been replaced with the feel-good factor only playing first-team football can bring.