SCOTLAND KEEPER CRAIG GORDON

Aug 12 2007 John Hillcoat

SCOTLAND keeper Craig Gordon has been living it up this week.

In fact his missus was spotted purchasing eye drops on Friday due to the amount of cigar smoke her man had been blowing in her face.

And the former Hearts No.1 is right to puff on the biggest King Eddie after Sunderland gaffer Roy Keane made him the most expensive goalie in British history last Thursday.

Gordon left Tynecastle with a new-found swagger this week after a fee of around £9million was agreed by the Jambos and the Black Cats.

And this enabled our national hero to earn his corn in a league that possesses some of the best players in the world.

It was only a matter of time before the big man moved on to bigger things because his form for both club and country over the past three years has been magnificent.

It irritates me when I hear outfield players complaining about the amount of cash Gordon eventually moved for.

I have been flying the flag for the goalies' union all week at Stenhousemuir after constant whingeing from dithering wingers and boulder-headed centre-halves.

All I've heard is "£9m for a goalie? I wouldn't even pay 9p!" and "Keane must be aff his nut tae pay that for a keeper, you can pick a good yin up ten a penny these days!"

As you might expect, the imaginary fishing rod was thrown out for yours truly to bite.

But what these guys don't understand is Craig has achieved what every keeper in the country sets out to do from a young age.

I remember having aspirations of playing for a massive club like Liverpool or Manchester United and earning enough cash to pay off my family's mortgage.

But the reality for 99 per cent of guys who had those same dreams is that they do well to earn a half decent wage and stay in the senior game.

I am delighted for Gordon and players like him who hit the big time.

The money and the prestige he will undoubtedly earn now will be a damn site more than what he would have picked up if he'd stayed at Hearts.

There were times throughout my career when I felt I had hit the jackpot and fully deserved to choke myself to death on one of those giant cigars.

The first big move I made was when I was 19.

Dunfermline were looking for their answer to Gordon as they scoured the country for a young talent.

Jim Leishman and his assistant Iain Munro moved quickly as they realised my contract at St Mirren wasn't registered with the SFA.

This ultimately meant I was a free agent. They dangled a whopping wage rise and a massive signing on fee in front of my eyes.

And in true Paisley style, I nearly bit their hands off for my lucrative deal.

My wages moved from a healthy £45 a week to an unbelievable £100 with an astonishing signing on fee of £500... tax free!

This kind of money was unheard of to me and I got just a wee bit carried away.

My first port of call was to the local rip-off car merchant to con me into parting with my hard-earned cash for Paisley's answer to an Aston Martin.

In reality it was an old "A" registration burgundy Vauxhall Nova.

I thought I was the dogs b****cks as I rolled up Dunfermline High Street with the windows down and Right Said Fred's "I'm Too Sexy" blaring from the wireless.

I had finally hit the big time.

So Craig, a wee word of advice from a guy who has experienced the heights and earned the big bucks - don't blow it all on big fancy cars like I did. Invest your cash and you may just end up with one of those top of the range jalopies unlike me.

And on the subject of keepers, our union has been up in arms since the season began because the members from the SFL have been talking balls...literally!

The lower leagues have been issued with a new Diadora football this season and my fellow shot-stoppers are not happy about it.

The new ball is as light as a feather and moves around the air like a burst balloon.

First up to vent his anger was my French mate and current Dundee keeper Ludovic Roy.

I thought the big man was going to have a heart attack over the phone as he cursed the fly-aways the other night.

Next up to blast the spheres was Berwick Rangers goalie Gary O'Connor.

I couldn't agree more with him when he claimed it was like kicking a volleyball around during our CIS Cup tie the other night.

No doubt there will be more keeper this season who will be tortured and deceived by these plastic efforts.

But I have the answer.

Bring back the Mitre Mouldmaster, all is forgiven.

'Craig's right to whip out cigars'