Alison's Diary

May 25 2008

Contents Lifestyle

MONDAY

Flabtastic. I get the call with the frightening news that tonight is the night - Bikini Boot Camp starts. Dynamite is going and asks if I fancy it. What? Running around Inverleith Park in a bikini? I think not She has a good laugh - "You don't actually wear a bikini," she said.

"It is so you CAN wear one come summer." As it has barely been warm enough to take off my thermals, it all seems a bit unlikely so I say no.

A few hours later, Di calls me back to report she crawled through the park on her belly in the mud using her elbows to propel herself forward. In a nutshell she is muddy, tramuatised and exhausted.

"God, it was great," she enthused.

I do worry about her you know.

TUESDAY

Dynamite and I meet at the cinema to see Forgetting Sarah Marshall. This will retain her boot camp body after the rigours of last night and will prevent mine getting worse by keeping me from sitting in a restaurant and stuffing my face.

We arrive early so retire to the bar next door to have a sly half.

Two hours later - we are still there. Eventually, we decide it is time to go at which point Di's handbag gets dropped and the entire contents spill out all over the floor. A lovely bloke stops and helps shovel the embarrassing array of rubbish back into it including rubber bands, tampons, scrunched-up receipts and stray mints.

Di suddenly prods the girl standing beside him "Is he your boyfriend?", she asks. "Yes", the girl said looking scared. "Well marry him", Dynamite ordered. "Now."

WEDNESDAY

Di and I decided to stay away from each other today. We are a bad influence on one another plus it is The Apprentice tonight and I must watch it live. It is superb TV.

Afterwards, the phone rings non-stop as we discuss the fact Margaret's eyebrows are now the star of the show, Raef in his smoking jacket looking like a tailor's dummy and how that big hairy Lee, who keeps shouting "Yes" as if he had just knocked Frank Bruno out in a boxing ring as opposed to doing something business-related, has to go.

Apologies if you don't watch it but there is still time. This year I don't want any of them to win, which is a first. Having said that, Lucinda is a gentle thing whose management skills are amazing so if anyone should stay, I'd make it her.

THURSDAY

Groovy Dynamite zips back from her Kingdom FM breakfast radio programme to meet me for a coffee. I am on BBC Scotland doing Fred MacAulay this morning talking about the rules of being a good wife in the 1930s.

One of the many is to let your husband sleep in on a Sunday and on holidays. I make a point of doing that - usually because I am not yet in from the night before!

I come to the conclusion I am in fact a very good wife and Dave is very lucky to have me - which I remind him of as I rush off to meet Dynamite.

We meet at her mum Muriel's who comes into the kitchen and declares: "Do you two realise you both speak at the same time, all the time?" Yes we do - it means you get double the amount of chat in half the time.

Noisy but effective.

Muriel puts her earplugs in and retires to the lounge to escape the noise.

FRIDAY

Another evening out I'm afraid. This time to a new place on the horizon, Rosie Leaf. Sounds like a tea shop but In reality, it used to be a hookers' joint in Leith but some bright spark has turned it into a unique cocktail bar.

We order up a few. When they arrive, we realise they are all served in a teapot and you drink the contents from teacups.

There are hot ones, cold ones and all rather delicious results.

Don't stay too late and too long though. Retire home via The Far Pavilions for a takeaway Jenga Prawn - my current passion.

SATURDAY

Dynamite and her cohort Micky Gavin are doing a roadshow in Fife so go out to fly the flag, support her and hold her brolly as it's pouring.

We stand shivering as she gives away various prizes before going to say bye to pal Derek who is heading home to New York tomorrow and taking his parents - who are celebrating their 60th wedding anniversary - with him. We don't stay too long as there is nothing worse than travelling with a hangover. We wish them well - marvel at his dad who at 85 looks 20 years younger and his mum who could win glamorous granny of the century - before saying bon voyage and bailing out.

Bikini boot camp on Monday - Dynamite talked me into going.

I shall report back. Hmmmnnn.