Alison's Diary

Apr 13 2008 By Alison Craig

MONDAY

I'm exhausted after sitting up most of last night finishing an absolutely brilliant new book by Chris Hannan called Missy. The New York Times have tipped it as one of the best books of the year, so I thought I would have a wee look before I went to sleep.

I was instantly hooked, as poor Dave will confirm. He threw a pillow at me at 3am to get me to turn out the light.

The book is tough, feisty, shocking and hugely addictive. It's set in the Wild West, written in the vernacular of the time and has the best female character I have read in years - and the most horrific baddie.

This is a book everyone should read. It's so invigorating it is like having a bucket of ice cold water thrown over you - and it's written by a Scot. It's out in a week or two and I will be first in the queue to buy everyone I know a copy.

TUESDAY

A few months ago I told you about my pal Fiona having a teenage American exchange student, Olivia, to stay for four weeks. Her introduction to Scotland was somewhat less than ideal after she wandered into the kitchen late one night to find Fiona necking a glass of wine and having a sly fag while glued to Mistresses - during an uncharacteristic lesbian scene. I don't know who got the bigger shock.

Well, Fiona's daughter Betty has just gone to the USA for her half of the exchange and it seems Olivia is not exactly from a backwater after all. Her folks are best friends with Barack Obama's campaign manager and the day Betty arrived she was wheeched into a car and driven to a big campaign rally to hear Obama speak.

Take that - baptism of fire American-style.

WEDNESDAY

Havr you seen the BBC1 show I'd Do Anything? It's the hunt for a talented newcomer to star as Nancy in the latest West End stage production of Oliver.

The winner can surely only be Ashley Russell. She is beautiful, talented and driven and when she's on stage you can't take your eyes off her - and she's a Scot to boot.

I'll be voting for her every Saturday night and if she doesn't crack it there is no justice in the world - which there isn't, or I wouldn't have four huge spots on my chin despite leading a life of temperance and sobriety.

To heck with it, bring on the chips and lager - this clean living doesn't agree with me.

THURSDAY

Mum and I run away for a day of girlie fun at St Andrews' Old Course Hotel. If Tiger Woods checked in to our room he would die happy.

It sits beside the 17th fairway, where we stand on a balcony sipping a glass of champagne before lunch. Wel, you're here for a good time not a long time. After lunch we have a wonderful massage in the Kohler Water Spa. We are both so relaxed afterwards we collapse in our room, stay in our dressing gowns and order dinner from room service. Joy.

We curl up with a DVD before falling into deep, relaxed, dreamless sleeps cuddling the wee teddy bears that were placed on each of our beds. Please can I live like this all the time?

FRIDAY

At 8am our hotel room door opens and a huge trolley of breakfast is wheeled in. We sit devouring coffee, fruit and croissants while grinning happily at each other. "Shall we lock the door and stay forever?" I ask mum, who is swanning around in her floor-length dressing gown. She nods but sadly we must leave.

After fond farewells to all the lovely staff, I ask if they might like to come and live with us in Edinburgh but they decline - and look a little scared to tell the truth.

We have a wee dander round the shops and unbelievably find space for lunch at The Seafood Restaurant.

Arrive home in time to meet Dave's pal DP, who is staying with us for the weekend while working at The Golf Show in Ingliston. Bid them a fond farewell as they slope off to the pub.

SATURDAY

The theory was to have a lunch for pals which was to be more controlled. We eat at 2pm but three hours later collapse back in the lounge.

At 6.30 Dave's pal DP returns from The Golf Show tired and sober to find Anne bolt upright on the floor with a dish towel round her chin being thumped on the back by Catherine. She was choking after swallowing a lungful of water.

Elsewhere, two others are having an emotional moment and bubbling while I play the guitar and our pal John sings Blue Moon loudly from the couch while nursing a lager.

Dave got such a shock when the door opened that he leapt to his feet and hit his head.

The last ones scoot at 10 but only after we have all made a pact to do the Edinburgh 10k in two weeks.

Some good news though - my spots have gone.