Easter Eggs Are Hard To Beat

Mar 30 2008 By Alison Craig

Monday - Easter holidays are all over the shop this year. Some kids are off today and back to school tomorrow. Others are off for two weeks. So everyone is finding it hard to plan getting away together. Yesterday my friend Jane was all set for Easter when a scraping at the door early in the morning announced the arrival of her cat - and in it's mouth was a bunny. Or, as she called it, the Easter Bunny. Getting rid of the evidence before the kids got up was a challenge but one she managed just as they fell upon thei chocolate eggs - which distracted them from the clumps of fur lying on the floor. We rolled hard-boiled eggs in my mum-in-law Thelma's garden yesterday. Nothing happened so we chucked them but there were still no cracks. Eventually we threw them at a tree and, thankfully, they cracked - and we all cracked up with laughter.

Tuesday - Last night a friend watched an Easter film about the resurrection with her children and was awoken this morning by a knock at the door. Lying there half asleep, she just let the kids answer it. A few minutes later the children showed a strange man with a beard into her bedroom. After the film and Easter, the kids thought it was Jesus - but it was just a dosser who looked like Nick Nolte in Down And Out In Beverley Hills. Shocked, she screamed at him and asked what he was doing in her house. He looked confused and said: "Now you mention it, I'm not too sure." Hair on end and palpitating, she showed him the door then sat her children down for a few lessons in modern life. Blimey!

Wednesday - The competitive gene has kicked in for my friend Moira's wee girl Ellie. She has been getting increasingly frustrated by the fact that, as the youngest in the family with two older brothers, she is always last down in the morning, last in the car, last to finish tea - ad is now getting her leg pulled for it. Last nightm unbeknown to Moira, Ellie decided enough was enough. She set her alarm for the middle of the night, got up, took off her pyjamas, put on her school uniform and went back to bed to sleep. So when Moira woke her up this morning, she sprung out of bed - all ready for school. Moira has tried to explain that this is not the best plan, especially as she doesn't have to iron her uniform - with her in it - every morning before school.

Thursday - Head round to Dynamite's for a cup of tea but call first to check if she needs anything. I hear her pal Jen in the background saying: "Get milk." Di tells me she has milk but Jen says: "Yes, it's off." I arrive and we drink our tea with fresh milk. I ask if I can make toasted cheese as I'm starving. "Of course," says Di throwing me a loaf of bread. I ask her how to turn on the grill. Her eyebrows knit together and she stares at the machine as if she has never noticed it before. "This is the cooker," I say and steps closer and twiddles a few knobs. She is flummoxed and admits she has no idea how the grill works. So I heat my bread in the over, now understanding how Di has managed to keep her svelte figure. She can boil a kettle and make a salad, but for any other culinary skills, look elsewhere.

Friday - Thanks to Helen Taylor who wrote to me after my Dicky Valentine story. She told me a few years ago she crashed in Heidi, the girl from the TV series, while hurrying out of Woolworths. Helen was thrilled and smiled broadly at Heidi - just a small grumpy man in a Tyrolean hat came stomping up and snapped at her: "We haven't any time for that." Heidi, aka Julia Lockwood, looked at Helen and the absurdity of the situation had the two of them in hysterics as giggling Heidi was led off to a Dundee theatre to play Peter Pan. What a hoot! I got a big row the other week for slagging Jack Black's new film Be Kind Rewind. So thanks to Frank Scanlan who, after reading the excellent reviews, went to see it and agreed it was the biggest heap of you know what. I'm relieved as I thought I had lost the plot.

Saturday - Supposed to be in Aberdeen visiting pal Tracy but she sends a photo of her back garden and it looks like the set from White Christmas - they are virtually snowed in so we can't go. Still, that means we can go to pal Fiona Duff's for a birthday dinner with lots of people. A cake had been sneaked in the back door for the unsuspecting birthday girl. It was a home-baked carrot cake covered in butter icing which was smuggled in in a brown paper bag and popped on a low table so it could be unveiled as a surprise later. And it was - but it didn't go according to plan. Daniel the spaniel unveiled it at about 10pm when he suddenly skidded past the assembled crowd with the entire paper bag and cake in his mouth. What a lucky doggy bag he got.