Chaos Reigns As Dynamite Loses Her Purse

Mar 16 2008

MONDAY

Still a bit hazy-crazy after Saturday's Scottish win at Murrayfield. Although I lost our tickets - quick, change the subject - the celebrations went on great guns. There was a major party at The Jam House in Edinburgh in aid of the Hearts And Balls Foundation - a charity for those injured while playing rugby - and the Scotland and England teams turned up. The lads were on top form as the Calcutta Cup was passed round full of champagne. Ex-Scotland captain Rob Wainwright even sang a song. We all had fun and there was lots of money raised for a good cause. We danced to the bands till the small hours and had a great night. Although we had sore heads and puffy eyes, it was well worth it.

TUESDAY

Hosted a phone-in radio show at the weekend - sitting in for someone on Radio Forth who was away - and what an education it was. Did you know Edinburgh is twinned with San Diego? No, me neither. Anyway this caller was in high dudgeon as they are erecting a statue of a dog from San Diego called Bum - no, that is not a misprint - opposite Greyfriars Bobby in Edinburgh. I intend to get to the bottom of it. The problem is the statue of our wee Greyfriars Bobby is only about 18in high and his overseas cousin Bum is going to be 5ft. The exact location of the new statue is not yet known but it will be close to Greyfriars. No matter where it is, Bum is going to get all the attention as Greyfriars will be overshadowed. I think it's fair to say that it's a complete bummer for our famous pet.

WEDNESDAY

Meet my pal T for lunch who arrives, despite the wind, rain and dark day, in a pair of sunglasses. I tell her to ditch the specs as she looks like The Fly. As she slides them down her face, my jaw hits the ground - she is black and blue. She was on her way to visit a friend when she tripped and skidded along their breeze block drive on the side of her face. She looks like Tommy Lee Jones' character Two-Face, left, from Batman Forever. Half of her face looks like it has had micro-dermabrasion. The theory at this point is that, by the end of this debacle, one half of her won't get served in a bar as she will look so young once the current sheets of buckled skin have fallen off and on the other side she will look her normal 35. Needless to say, it doesn't put me off my lunch and she smiles through but there is a worrying crinkling noise.

THURSDAY

Up in Aberdeen for the Oil And Gas Quiz Night in aid of Spinal Injuries Scotland at Ardoe House. The place is packed and the questions are very difficult so I'm glad I have to ask, not answer, them. Sir Ian Wood, patron of the charity, is there as are all the movers and shakers of the oil and gas industry. There are shouts and screams as I announce who is in the lead and who is trailing behind. There is also a quiz running simultaneously in London being hosted by Henry Kelly so it is Aberdeen against England's capital. There is hysteria when Aberdeen draws with London at 39 points. The Chevron Upstream team win in Scotland and get a bottle of champagne. Well done to them for being the most intelligent in the room - something I will never have to worry about being called.

FRIDAY

Get a call to say they raised more than £50,000 at the quiz last night - fantastic. I drive to Radio Scotland's Aberdeen studio to do the Fred MacAulay show. I talk about the horror of a perm in the 80s and confess I had several. The hairdresser I used to go to was called Snips - and you'd think one hideous perm was bad enough. Clearly not intent on learning my lesson, I had another and another. The plan was always to have a loose perm to emulate the likes of Kate Bush - unfortunately I came out looking more like a bush. I remember seeing a boy I fancied sitting in a chair in the same salon with small rubber rollers in his hair - he went from No.1 on my list of fanciable males to out the window instantly. Ironically my husband has really curly hair and it is entirely natural - at least I think it is. Dave?

SATURDAY

A day in Glasgow with the girls. There's a rumour Bono could be turning up for an early St Patrick's Day bash. By the time we get our acts together, it is 11am. We take the train but, when we get to Linlithgow, Dynamite says she has lost her purse. Panic rises as she thinks she has left it in a shop at Waverley Station. She is distraught so we leap off the train and get the next one back. At Waverley we quiz everyone but it is nowhere to be seen. By now it is after lunchtime so we walk to George Street and have a drink in a bar. Dynamite's phone rings and her boyfriend Dave says her purse is in their hall. She is still alive but only because we had a glass of wine on an empty stomach before the call.