The Perfect Antitdote To Cocktails Is In Your Tap

Feb 24 2008

MONDAY

Pal Catherine Aitken has just got back from London Fashion Week.

The night before she went she visited a friend in Brighton and vowed to behave and not spoil it for herself. It was a foregone conclusion they would get stuck into their first exotic cocktail the second she got off the train. And as well you know - if you have one you have to have another.

For once she drank a glass of water between each alcoholic kick and claims she awoke clear-eyed, bushytailed and feeling wonderful. Water is the answer after all. She admits she has never done that before and she will probably never do it again - but for those who have a head like a bag of bolts like me after three glasses of wine these days - the perfect antidote is in yer tap.

TUESDAY

London Fashion Week is wall-to-wall fashionistas and among them was pal Catherine showing her handbags to the world.

The exhibition was packed with horribly glamorous, skinny women and she tells me the best thing is they didn't touch any of the lovely food at all.

So these tall, lanky girls looked down their noses at Catherine as she gamely stood hoovering up all the muffins. Where we come fae you don't look a gift horse - or for that matter a clothes horse - in the mouth.

Muffins on board, she did her business and fell on to the train back to Scotland happy with her hurdies and her foray into high fashion.

WEDNESDAY

Dave's friend Sandy, who lives in Perth, had a trauma this week when the ceiling of his teenage daughter's bedroom fell in.

There was an almighty crack followed by mayhem and panic but luckily no one was in the bedroom at the time, so thankfully there were no injuries.

The only casualties of this rather dramatic event were all her clothes which were lying in that teenage way all over the bed, floor and chair.

She was horrified but her mother is reported to be quite happy as it will be the first time in ages that she gets the chance to boil wash her teenager's clothes and really give her room a good clean.

Every cloud, as they say.

THURSDAY

What a celebration we have today. Dad will be 80 in April and he received a letter today from the Government delivering the thrilling news that his pension goes up on his 80th birthday.

Great news. By how much? 25p per week. I'm sorry? Yes, 25 pence per week. Whoopee. How will he spend it? After much thought he has decided to put a down-payment on a newspaper.

The generosity of the Government is breathtaking - he may even save it up - after all an extra £13 per year will make all the difference.

I wonder how much the administration, postage, labour costs are for the Government to cough up a measly 25p extra a week. Skinflints!

FRIDAY

Culture for 2008 - head off to City Arts Centre in Edinburgh to see Ansel Adams' photography exhibition.

Priority is to have lunch at the Fruitmarket Gallery over the road. I get the biggest crayfish and avocado salad I have had in my life - I may move in.

Louis is on half term and after three minutes at the exhibition he glazes over and shuffles along behind us. I give him the evil eye and he hangs on in there for a while longer.

After 15 minutes we have sped round. Stop in at cartoonist Frank Boyle's exhibition on the ground floor - hilarious and even better it's free. Go bowling afterwards and agree it was the perfect way to spend a foggy day in Edinburgh.

SATURDAY

In the run-up to Christmas I couldn't get a Nintendo DS for love nor money - I offered both and was turned down flat by a very scared shop assistant.

Got one today as this brain training thing is a must for the grey matter. Got it home, charged it up and it is now locked in the car. Why? Because we can't stop fighting over it. I had a go and Dave hung over one shoulder and Louis hung over my other, pointing and bossing.

Fed-up with the backseat drivers, I slapped it into Dave's hand then hung over his shoulder, barking directions. Three minutes later he gave it to Louis who in turn got highly annoyed at us butting in. I snapped and put it in the car, locking it behind me where it shall stay until Louis is in bed and Dave distracted. It is my PMT and I know how to use it.